The Way Out is Through…Keep Going

I’m going to share with you a few of the challenges I’ve had in the last couple of weeks because I want you to know God is FAITHFUL in the middle. No need to feel sorry for me because you and people you know are going through the same or worse situations. It’s just life.  I am not just putting quotes on my Facebook page and sharing resources with you to be cute. I want you to be encouraged and have hope! I want you to know that you know that you know: God will NEVER leave you or forsake you.

To be honest, when I am encouraging you I am encouraging myself in the Lord as well.

In the last 4 weeks….I bet you can relate:

The contract I’ve supported my family with for the last two years ended. (I have told almost no one, yet God sent people to help take care of Christmas for my kids and me.)

My daughter’s heater stopped working in her car. (When I asked how much I owed, the answer was, “It’s taken care of.” I had said nothing to anyone about needing help. I just thanked God for taking care of all of our needs.)

My son had another seizure episode which resulted in an ER visit and having to wear a heart monitor. (He got to come home and is doing well.)

My son also tripped in gym, hit a wall with his head, passed out and busted his head resulting in him having stitches. (I can barely see the scar and he had no concussion symptoms.)

The same day I had a flat tire and had to have two new tires on my car. (I made it to my son’s school and to the doctor’s office before it went flat. Someone took care of my tires and another, the front end alignment. Again, all I did was thanked God for His provision and believed He would work it out.)

My web site keeps going down just as I’m trying to really get active with my writing and get some resources to you. Ugh! (It’s fixed for now.)

I spent this whole week in bed really sick with flu-like symptoms even though I had a flu shot. There is no paid sick leave when you work for yourself so it has been extra frustrating! (God made our bodies to fight disease and win! He still hasn’t left me.)

I can choose to see the faithfulness of God or all the challenges. I choose God!

All of us are in the middle of something:  family issues, infertility, care of elderly parents, health problems, loss of loved ones, trauma, tragedy, divorce. The list could go on forever and you may have a combination of issues you deal with daily.

It’s easy to turn our anger and frustration toward God.

Why didn’t He prevent this? Why is He not getting me out of this? Why did He let me get into this?!?

In the middle of all of life’s predicaments, God sees you. If God doesn’t deliver you from your problem, He will bring you through it.  He’s in the middle of it with you, strengthening you and helping you.

One of my favorite scriptures is Psalms 46:5

“God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when the morning dawns.”

Based on personal experience and scripture, most of the time the way out is through. I believe in miracles…they just don’t usually come with a lightning bolt and an angelic visitation. Most of the miracles I have experienced have been through a process; they haven’t been a rescue from, they have been deliverance through. I would prefer the former but I usually get the latter!

The question, “Why Lord,” is useless.

“What now Lord?” is much more useful.

We may never know why, but we need to keep going regardless.

The answer to why has to do with yesterday and I need to know what to do today. Knowing why rarely changes anything.

PLEASE REMEMBER THIS:  Jesus paid a very high price for our salvation and part of what He redeemed for us is an abundant life. (John 10:10)

If I pay for something for my children I want them to have the benefit of everything I paid for, not just part. God does too.

I don’t want to just barely make it through and be miserable the entire time.  The times I have felt like I was just barely making it, my life was unbearable.

What we believe determines how we live. What we believe determines how we handle our middles, which is why FAITH is the key to an abundant life.

But what about when our faith is at an all-time low and we feel we have been deserted? I have good news! You can get your faith back, and you can grow your faith.

Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. Romans 10:17

We talk all the time; to others and ourselves. We rehearse our problems. We criticize. We complain. We worry. Why not speak the words of faith instead?

When we put the word of God into our eyes and ears and get it into our hearts, we become more aware of His presence and more familiar with His voice. We gain wisdom and we are clearer about what we are to do. We get to know Him and the way the Kingdom of God works. He reveals to us how much He loves us and we begin to really trust and hope in Him.

The bottom line: Our lives become enjoyable and we don’t feel as burdened no matter what is going on.

 

The word of God is a treasure and it is vital to your life for you to read, study, hear teaching and preaching, and know scripture. Jesus said,

“Man does not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.” (Matthew 4:4)

Make a decision right now to give God’s word first place in your life this year. I promise it will make all the difference!

Thank you for visiting The Land of Angela today! Do me a favor and go back to my Facebook page and share your testimony of God’s faithfulness to encourage someone else and then share this article with your friends. God may use you to change someone’s life!

Angela

Angela is a single mom raising her two favorite people.

Her favorite son Evan is a baseball and wrestling loving 20 year old young man with special needs, and a great sense of humor. He loves school and church and his friends and is not fond of summer break.

Her favorite daughter Phoebe is a 17 year old senior in high school, who is also a gifted and anointed musician, and singer/songwriter. She’s sings in a band called Coopertheband when she’s not at school or in church.

Angela works from home as a freelance writer and blogger. She is also available to speak at your next event.


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Parenting is Full Contact

 

Now that Mother’s Day is over, with all it’s sweet quotes about children and parenting, and summer break has begun, let’s get real.

Parenting is like the X-Games

Parenting is full of extremes. When done right it’s full contact and its full of mistakes. It’s full of joy and full of heartbreak. It is exhausting and exhilarating. Some days you want to hide your head under the covers in shame and some days you want to stand on top of something and cheer with pride!

With all of the extremes of parenting, and because life is also full of irony, we also have to find some sort of balance.

We actually have to find some MIDDLE ground.

We have to find some MIDDLE ground between yes’s and no’s. We have to find a place in the MIDDLE of rescuing our kids and training them to solve their own problems. We have to find a MIDDLE ground between having a good relationship with them and losing their respect.

We are to be their primary influence and teach them to think on their own. We have to train them to be adults and allow them to be kids.

We must give them grace and we must show them we mean what we say. We are supposed to protect them, and make sure they know that actions have consequences.

We are responsible for keeping them alive but some days we want to kill them.

I could go on but you get the idea. If you add in single parenting, a spouse who is active duty military or travels a lot, going back to school, a heavy work schedule, special needs parenting, or being the primary caretaker for a loved one; it’s X-games on steroids.

Some random examples of full contact moments…

I have acted like a mama bear in all manner of school meetings and sports events because I felt like some injustice had been done.

I have drugged my son and hung on for dear life to keep him still so he could have a root canal. (He got up on a stool while the floor was wet to look at his behind in the mirror causing stitches and a broken tooth. I’m sure I should have been watching him more closely.)

I came out of church one Mother’s Day to find my children fighting over who was going to sit in the front seat. My son was crying and there was snot hanging from his nose like a tire swing hangs from a tree. If any guests witnessed what happened next, I feel sure they did not come back to our church the following week!

I rescued my daughter from certain death when she fell off of a dock and into the water on a camping trip. The next summer I pushed her off the diving board.

When she was about three she started throwing a fit in the car and said she didn’t want to go home. I pulled over and told her to get out. “We are going home and if you don’t want to go home you should probably get out of the car.” She began to beg to go home. “Oh perfect. I’m so glad you want to go home because that’s where we’re going.”

 

 Here are 5 Survival Tips that work for me:

Pray-

Prayer is our lifeline as parents. Prayer is the key to unlocking wisdom, discernment, strength, and joy. God is the perfect parent and the more time we spend talking with him the more we will parent like Him.

Everything that we have-right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start-comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. ~1 Corinthians 1:30 MSG

 

Set an example-

There are 3 ways to lead: by example, by example, and by example. ~Unknown

We lead our children. Parenting is not passive. Our children are following us so we must ask ourselves, “Since my children are following me, where am I taking them?”

If we want our children to have manners, we must use some manners. If we want them to be even tempered, we can’t be in the habit of losing ours. If we want our children to be stable we can’t live on an emotional roller coaster.  I want my children to have an extraordinary relationship with the Lord, but I can’t make them. I have to show them. I want my children to be forgiving which means, when I do something wrong I have to ask for forgiveness. My children know better than anyone that I am far from perfect, but they also know that everything I expect from them, I also try to live.

Train them-

 Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it. ~Proverbs 22:6 Amp

Setting an example is important, but it is not enough. We have to teach them how to behave in specific situations or they don’t know. We have to teach them how to deal with stress in a healthy way. We have to teach them good habits. We have to teach them how to practice gratitude. I could go on for days. We have to teach them. We don’t just expect them to come out of the womb knowing how to do algebra, so why do we sometimes expect them to instinctively  know how to do life? If that were the case, they wouldn’t need parents.

Allow them to earn things-

My children don’t have to earn things like my love and acceptance. I provide that free of charge. I provide for their needs free of charge. I do however make them earn their own spending money and I make them pay for things that are expensive.

For example, I gave my daughter my old phone when I got a smartphone. I made her pay for her first smart phone. Why? Because it’s important for her to learn the value of things. Because when they have a part in working for the things they want  they take care of them. Because with setting a goal and working for it comes self confidence. Because I am training my children to be adults and when you are an adult you have to work for the things you have.

I cannot send my children out into the world thinking the world is going to present them with things on a silver platter at no cost just because. I would be doing them a disservice.

Give them some grace-

Grace is like....

 

I do not expect my children to be perfect. I do expect them to do their best. I don’t always do my best though and neither does anyone else. God gives me grace and so do a lot of other people in my life, including my children.

Finding some MIDDLE ground means we just have to give them a break sometimes.

Grace doesn’t mean we make excuses for bad behavior, it just means we acknowledge that we are all human and we all make mistakes.

Grace gives my kids a safe place to land when they fall on their face, and it makes it much more likely they will run to me when they are in trouble instead of running away from me.

I am not the most warm and furry parent. 

I wish I was a better parent. Who doesn’t? I wish I was sweeter and more patient and I never yelled.

You know what they say about wishing in one hand….well nevermind. A good parent would probably not use that as an example.

I do love my kids like crazy and I have on my protective gear. Maybe that’s enough!

What about you? Do you have any moments where your kids act like orphans? Any moments where you felt like you were hanging off of a cliff? I would love to hear about them!

Thank you for visiting the Land of Angela today! I would be honored if you would share this with your friends and family. Be sure to subscribe if you would like to get posts directly to your inbox.

Visit again soon!

Angela

Angela is a single mom raising her two favorite people.

Her favorite son Evan is a baseball and wrestling loving 19 year old young man with special needs, and a great sense of humor.

Her favorite daughter Phoebe is a 15 year old sophomore in high school, who is also a gifted and anointed musician, and singer/songwriter.

She works from home as a freelance writer, blogger, and medical biller.


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10 Questions to Spring Forward in THE MIDDLE of any Season

 

There are two times during the year I feel a sense of a new beginning. New Year’s Day and the beginning of spring. So here we are, the beginning of spring and I need a mulligan!

mulligan- a second chance to perform an action, usually after the first chance went wrong through bad luck or a blunder.

Many, not all, of my goals and resolutions from New Year’s Day have gone awry! Sunshine and warmer temperatures give me a little burst of energy to give myself a second chance.

I believe in living and loving on purpose! I believe in making goals and plans to make the most out of life and I believe in making memories with the people in our lives.

The problem is, sometimes I let the days and months slip by without really putting those beliefs into practice.

Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise (sensible, intelligent people)~Ephesians 5:15 AMP

This change of season got me thinking. What if we made a point to reflect on and re-evaluate our lives once every 3 months?  What if we use the changing of the season outside to remind us to make the most of whatever season it is inside?

10 Questions to Spring Forward in THE MIDDLE of any Season

 

 

10 Questions To Spring Forward

 

 

  1. What do I love about my life?
  2. What’s bugging me about my life and what, if anything can I do about it? How can I make the things that are bugging me, that I can’t do anything about, better?
  3. What are some things I have been putting off that I could take care of in the next three months, or projects that I’ve started that I could finish and get them off of my mind. (3 months worth of anti-procrastination Wednesdays!)
  4. Are there health concerns I need to address or regular check-ups I need to schedule?
  5. What fun and/or new experiences do I want to have in the next three months, and what would I need to do to make those things a reality?
  6. What goals do I want to accomplish in the next 3 months?
  7. What are some things I can do to love other people on purpose in the next 3 months?
  8. What can I do get to know God better in the next three months?
  9. What can I do to improve my relationship with _________ in the next three months.
  10. What have I been afraid to do that I can gather my courage up and do before another season of my life comes and goes?

The desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.~Proverbs 13:4 NIV

I’m going to write down some answers for myself to these questions. I challenge you to do the same. I wonder If we take some time to give ourselves a check up, how much better the quality of our lives and relationships will be by the time summer begins?

Thank you for visiting The Land of Angela today!

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Visit again soon,

Angela

Angela is a single mom raising her two favorite people.

Her favorite son Evan is a baseball and wrestling loving 19 year old young man with special needs, and a great sense of humor.

Her favorite daughter Phoebe is a 15 year old sophomore in high school, who is also a gifted and anointed musician, and singer/songwriter.

She works from home as a freelance writer, blogger, and medical biller.


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5 Lessons I learned from my divorce. Lesson 5-It's about my dignity

 

I have been divorced now for four years. It was, hands down, the hardest thing I have ever gone through. If it is at all avoidable, I recommend you avoid it. I handled some things well and I handled some things badly.

Today is Part 5 in a series about the things I have learned through the process. Click here to read Part 1. Click here to read Part 2. Click here to read Part 3. Click here to read Part 4.

I believe these lessons can be applied to many areas of our lives. As you read about what I’ve learned I hope you will allow God to show you the places in your life where they can be most useful.

The best lessons learned in THE MIDDLE of any circumstance or season of our lives, are the ones that teach us wisdom and can be applied as principles we live by.

Disclaimer: This is my journey and my story to tell. It is not my intention to dishonor anyone in the process of sharing these things. My prayer is to give you some food for thought as you journey through THE MIDDLE of your own challenges. It is only by the grace of God and the prayers and support of many people, that I have come to the place in my journey that I am able and willing to share some of the lessons I’ve learned. 

 

As I look back, I am amazed at some of the ways I have allowed myself to be treated over the years. I mean really amazed. The obvious question is, why?

When I was a child, my options were limited and my knowledge about how to deal with certain situations was veiled by my age and immaturity. As an adult,however, I had choices and I chose repeatedly to allow myself to be treated as worthless. I always justified  my choices.

I’m allowing this because of the children. I’m allowing this because I love him. I’m allowing this because I’m trying to save my family. It all sounds very noble and righteous. The truth is, I allowed it because I had no dignity.

Dignity- the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect, self-respect ~Google Definitions

The truth will make you free, but it will usually make you mad first. Just hang with me a minute.

Please don’t hear what I’m NOT saying. I’m not talking about foolish pride that says, “I deserve to be treated better than everyone else because, after all, I am!” I’m not talking about walking out on relationships and covenant because someone makes a mistake. I’m not talking about the attitude, ‘I’m just not happy so I’m leaving.”  I’m not talking about not being humble and kind.

I am talking about not believing you are worthy, if for no other reason than you are a child of God, of being treated with decency. I am talking about not allowing yourself to be in an emotionally abusive (or physically abusive) relationship.

One of my dearest friends, after being present for a verbal lashing, suggested to me that it was not okay for someone to speak to me ‘that way.’ The thought had never occurred to me. I remember in that moment I had a paradigm shift.

A turning point moment is when you think a new thought and take action on the new thought. ~Linda Toupin

The quote I used in part 2 of this series works both ways. “When people show you who they are, believe them.” Who are you showing people you are? I was showing people in my life that I had no dignity. I was showing them, no matter what I was saying, that it was okay to treat me with disrespect. If I don’t respect myself, why should you? I was showing people that I didn’t think I deserved to honored or cared for.

Remember, I also said that the only way people change is from the inside out, and the Lord has to do the changing. We just have to be willing to go through the process. He used my friend’s statement to begin the process of showing me that I was dignified. He began to deposit deep into my spirit, as I prayed and studied, that I was the child of the King of Kings. It doesn’t get much more dignified than that!

 To grant [consolation and joy] to those who mourn in Zion—to give them an ornament (a garland or diadem) of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment [expressive] of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit—that they may be called oaks of righteousness [lofty, strong, and magnificent, distinguished for uprightness, justice, and right standing with God], the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. ~Isaiah 61:3 AMP

5 Things I learned from my Divorce Part 5- It's about my dignity

 

When you study this scripture out, you fine that “beauty for ashes” means worth for worthlessness.

I began to realize that no matter what anyone else thought about me, Jesus thought I was worth coming in the flesh for, being tortured for, and dying for.

Really read that verse. Take it in like a deep refreshing breath of spring air. Listen to Jesus tell you that He came to put a crown (ornament) of worth on you head; to anoint you with joy, to wrap you in praise.

Hear Him as He says He is doing this so you may be called lofty and strong, distinguished! He wants people to know you are His and you are magnificent, so when they look at what He has done in you, He will be glorified.

In other words, people will talk about how good He is, how great His mercy is, and that He is love personified.

If you can read that verse and not feel worthy of honor and respect….well just read it again until you do! We are not dignified because we’re perfect, we’re dignified because of what he has done, and is still doing in us. The bottom line is this:

If I am worth something to God then I am going to walk with dignity, and I will not allow anyone to take the dignity, the worth, and self-respect He gave me away.

I would like to tell you I have walked this decision out perfectly, but I’m not a liar. I still give away my dignity sometimes. I still fall back into the same patterns of showing people I think I’m not worth respecting; showing them I don’t respect myself.

By the grace of God I’ve come a long way though, and He promises He finishes what He starts so I have hope!

5 Things I learned from my divorce Part 5 It's about my dignity

 

I want my daughter to see in her mother a woman who is dignified, a woman who has self-respect and won’t allow herself to be treated as someone who is worthless. I want her to see a woman who knows, not only who she is, but who she belongs to.

I want her to see dignity in me because I want her to know she is worthy of respect and honor. I want her to respect herself. I want her to know she is not just my child, but a child of the King of Kings. I want her to know I think she is worth all the best things, and that I believe she is strong enough to stand up to any difficulty that comes her way.

If she sees these things in me and I train her up in the way she should go, (which is my most important calling,) and she believes what the Lord says about her, (this part requires a lot of prayer,) she will walk in dignity all the days of her life.

She will make wiser decisions than I have. Her roots will go deep and if the storms of disrespect, dishonor, and abuse come, she will not be moved. She will not allow her dignity to be taken. She will be called the planting of the Lord and He will be glorified in her.

You see, it’s not all about me. It’s about the people I have an influence on, and the reputation of the God I serve.

Thank you for visiting the Land of Angela today! I hope this post and this series have been a blessing to you, and God has used some of the things I have learned to teach you something that will help you move through THE MIDDLE of your journey.

I would be so honored if you would share this post with your friends and family on your social media pages. I also love, love, love you comments! They are really an encouragement to me and to others, so thank you!

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Visit again soon!

Angela

Angela is a single mom raising her two favorite people.

Her favorite son Evan is a baseball and wrestling loving 19 year old young man with special needs, and a great sense of humor.

Her favorite daughter Phoebe is a 15 year old sophomore in high school, who is also a gifted and anointed musician, and singer/songwriter.

She works from home as a freelance writer, blogger, and medical biller.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Lessons I Learned from my divorce.

I have been divorced now for four years. It was, hands down, the hardest thing I have ever gone through. If it is at all avoidable, I recommend you avoid it. I handled some things well and I handled some things badly.

Today is Part 4 in a series about the things I have learned through the process. Click here to read Part 1. Click here to read Part 2. Click here to read Part 3.

I believe these lessons can be applied to many areas of our lives. As you read about what I’ve learned I hope you will allow God to show you the places in your life where they can be most useful.

The best lessons learned in THE MIDDLE of any circumstance or season of our lives, are the ones that teach us wisdom and can be applied as principles we live by.

Disclaimer: This is my journey and my story to tell. It is not my intention to dishonor anyone in the process of sharing these things. My prayer is to give you some food for thought as you journey through THE MIDDLE of your own challenges. It is only by the grace of God and the prayers and support of many people, that I have come to the place in my journey that I am able and willing to share some of the lessons I’ve learned. 

 

After my ex-husband and I separated, I spent the better part of 6 months barely functioning. I lost about 20 lbs because I lost my appetite. Since I’m 5’8 and started at 135, I was very unhealthy and looked sick. I barely left the house. I cried a lot. I was spent in every way. I was hurting so badly emotionally that I was in physical pain. I wasn’t suicidal, but I felt like I imagine a person with a painful terminal illness feels. I didn’t really want to die, but death would have been a relief because then the pain would stop. The only thing I was able to make myself do was parent and work, but even my children were worried about me and my work suffered.

If you ask 10 people to describe me in one word, probably at least 9 of them would say strong.  I am strong. Being strong has helped me survive a lot of challenging things. There is a problem with being strong however. I have never allowed myself to feel my feelings. My oldest friend, who happens to be a therapist, says I put things in boxes with bows on them and put them away. By the time my 16 year marriage was over, the closet was full.

The boxes were labeled with all sorts of things: Childhood, Mommy Issues, Daddy Issues, The Teenage Years, Shame, The College Years, Bad Marriage, Sick Child, Betrayal, and on and on. I’m talking about a walk in closet full of boxes. Except for those few months,  I have never allowed myself to not be OK. 

 

Lessons I learned from My Divorce

 

There was simply no more room in the closet. So I did what any strong person would do. I got up one day, and decided I clearly needed a shed instead of a closet! This ‘feeling your feelings’ thing was for the birds!

For about a year, that worked for me pretty well. I felt light again and happy. In fact, I told people I was happier than I’d ever been. Everyone patted me on the back and high-fived me! They said things like “You are the strongest person I know!” Why yes I am!

Then, about a year and a half ago, I started having one health problem after another. They were/are nothing too serious, but chronic, painful and exhausting. I became unable physically to pack and carry the little boxes with my feelings in them out to the shed.

The physical issues and pain were taking all of my emotional energy, and I had nothing left to keep the shed door closed with. I found myself in THE MIDDLE of a serious problem. The boxes were falling out and coming open and on the inside it felt like a machine gun firing.  I began, little by little and bit by bit, to have a come apart.

It wasn’t all at once like it was when my marriage ended. It wasn’t as obvious, and everyone thought it was just my health. As my body began to betray me, so did my feelings. I began to feel all of my feelings. The ones from right now and the ones from the past. Some days they came all at once. Some days they still do. I started having anxiety issues and the clinical depression that I inherited, but I’ve managed pretty well all of my life, reared it’s ugly head.

So what about that strong woman, a woman who believes in the healing power of Jesus, a woman of faith, (a minister no less,) who for no clear reason starts to have all of these problems? Bring on the shame! I stopped writing and I stopped preaching. I mean who wants to hear from a woman who seems to be falling apart at the seams?!

It’s ok to not be ok. We don’t have to apologize for it, we don’t have to defend it, and there is no timetable for it. If we don’t allow ourselves to feel our feelings, the closet will eventually get full and there is no storage building big enough to hold all of the boxes with pretty little bows.

If we ever want to do more than just survive, if we want to be whole, we have to get real with ourselves.  

Let me be clear, the lesson here is not that it’s ok to have a pity party. It’s not ok to belly up to the feelings bar and get drunk on them. It’s not ok to let our feelings boss us around and tell us what to do. It’s not ok to get stuck in THE MIDDLE.

The reason we have to allow ourselves to feel our feelings is, we have to admit that we have them in order to keep us from going around in circles. God gave us feelings for a reason. They are our inner thermometer. They indicate to us what is going on in our soul.

When I take my temperature, the thermometer gives me an indication as to what is going on with my body. I then make a decision, how to proceed. Do I need to go to bed and rest? Do I need to take some medicine? Do I need to get the help of a medical professional for a diagnosis or a prescription? Do I need to have some tests run or maybe even some surgery to fix something?

If I pretend I don’t have a fever and I am really sick, whatever is wrong doesn’t go away. It gets worse.  Not allowing ourselves to feel our feelings is much the same. Pretending they don’t exist doesn’t make them go away. Not treating the root cause of our emotions properly isn’t helpful, nor is not allowing ourselves time to recover.

Eventually not taking care of our bodies catches up with us, and so will not taking care of our souls. 

The world will continue to turn around in a circle if we allow ourselves to not be ok for a little while. Everyone may not understand. You may not even completely understand at first.

The Lord is teaching me that I don’t have to be sorry for my feelings; just honest, with myself and with Him. He is teaching me that there is no shame in taking some time to fully recover. He is teaching me that He will continue to take this journey with me until I’m whole, however long it takes.

When the war is over we need to stop using our survival skills, stop fighting and rebuild. Surviving is fine, and sometimes it’s the best we can do, but Jesus came that we might have life and that more abundantly!

5 Lessons I learned from my divorce

 

Take your soul temperature today. Be honest with yourself about how you are feeling. Ask the Lord for wisdom to know how to proceed. Get help from your pastor or someone you trust. Get some wise counsel if you need to.

If you have a virus of some kind in your soul, it’s ok. There is no shame. Just do whatever you need to do to get better. God will not only provide you with everything you need to recover, He will sit with you and care for you while you do. He will not leave you. He is crazy in love with you, for better or for worse!

Thank you for visiting The Land of Angela today. I pray you leave encouraged and better able to navigate THE MIDDLE of your situation. I am so honored when you click the share button and invite others to visit. This series has been our most popular so far!

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Visit again soon!

Angela

Angela is a single mom raising her two favorite people.

Her favorite son Evan is a baseball and wrestling loving 19 year old young man with special needs, and a great sense of humor.

Her favorite daughter Phoebe is a 15 year old sophomore in high school, who is also a gifted and anointed musician, and singer/songwriter.

She works from home as a freelance writer, blogger, and medical biller.

 

 

 


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Lessons I Learned From My Divorce-Lesson 3

 

I have been divorced now for four years. It was, hands down, the hardest thing I have ever gone through. If it is at all avoidable, I recommend you avoid it. I handled some things well and I handled some things badly.

Today is Part Three in a series about the things I have learned through the process. Click here to read Part 1. Click here to read Part 2.

I believe these lessons can be applied to many areas of our lives. As you read about what I’ve learned I hope you will allow God to show you the places in your life where they can be most useful.

The best lessons learned in THE MIDDLE of any circumstance or season of our lives, are the ones that teach us wisdom and can be applied as principles we live by.

Disclaimer: This is my journey and my story to tell. It is not my intention to dishonor anyone in the process of sharing these things. My prayer is to give you some food for thought as you journey through THE MIDDLE of your own challenges. It is only by the grace of God and the prayers and support of many people, that I have come to the place in my journey that I am able and willing to share some of the lessons I’ve learned. 

 

This thought may cause some controversy. To say, “What you think about me is none of my business,” sounds harsh and defiant. It really isn’t. Any time in my life I have gone through a major transition, there are no lack of different opinions as to how I should or should not handle things.  The point is, I have no control over what you think of me.

What I do have control of is whether or not I choose to make what you think of me my business. I have chosen not to. I cannot. I have two children to support and raise, I have a God-given purpose to fulfil, and I am the one who has to live my life.

I am the one who must walk the path every choice I make takes me down. I wake up with me and go to bed with me. I alone am responsible and accountable for myself and my children. We cannot move forward trying to get everyone’s approval.

Trying to please people only serves to clutter our thinking and deplete our energy. We can find ourselves waking up one day and not recognizing ourselves or the life we have created. 

I want to be clear that I believe in seeking wisdom from the Lord and wise counsel when making decisions. I have given people in my life whom I respect and I know have my best interest at heart, the right to speak into my life. At times they come with correction, sometimes with caution, at times encouragement, and at times with just a thought to give me a different perspective.

I highly recommend listening to pastors, parents (or parental figures,) others who have been where you are and have successfully come out on the other side, and friends who know you well. I encourage you to consider the counsel you’re given and pray and ask the Lord for answers and for the clarity and courage to make right choices.

The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that.~Proverbs 29:25

Once we make a decision or choose to travel a certain direction is when things can get a little dicey.  There are often some who don’t understand why. Often our choices cause anger, (especially with ex-spouses or their families.) Sometimes the path we choose will result in unkind words, and some will reject us entirely. The thing is, when we are trying to heal and rebuild our lives, it is exhausting to feel like we have to justify, defend, and give an explanation to everyone for everything.

Not long after I divorced I was offered the opportunity to take an all expenses paid trip to Ocean City, Maryland just to take a break. I met my childhood friend there and his brother joined us. We stayed in a condo a block from the beach. Some did not approve of my trip. First of all it required me to leave my children. Secondly, I stayed with two men. I had my own bedroom upstairs and nothing inappropriate was involved. I needed to get away and Joe and I have been friends since I was 13 years old. I went and it was just what I needed.

We played Yahtzee and cards and went deep sea fishing.  I spent a lot of time sitting on the beach by myself praying and soaking in the sound of the waves. It was wonderful to just clear my head.  I didn’t defend my decision to anyone because I didn’t need to. I prayed about it, and had peace about going. People who know me, including my children, knew exactly what the arrangements were, and that what my friend offered me was a gift I needed.

What People Think of Me is None of my business.

 

We recently moved out to the lake, 20 minutes from my children’s school and my parents, and almost 30 minutes from my church. I had looked and looked for a place. I had prayed and sought the Lord. Time was running out and I was afraid but I knew the Lord was faithful and we would find something. As soon as I pulled into the driveway, before I had even seen the inside of the house, I knew in my gut, (the knower God gives us all) this was where we needed to move.

It didn’t seem to be practical in many ways. I had to make the decision based on what I felt was right for the kids and for me, no matter what other’s concerns were. After four months I know I made the right choice. This place has been a place of rest and healing for all of us and I hope I never have to leave!

Lessons I Learned From My Divorce

 

Choosing to liberate myself from making other’s opinions of me my business frees me to confidently do what I believe to be best. I realized that I did not owe anyone an explanation for my choices. What you think about me is none of my business. I may choose to explain, but I may also make the choice not to.*

You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time. ~Abraham Lincoln

*Of course if you are married you certainly, out of respect for your spouse and for your covenant, you need to make decisions together. Depending on the age of your children, an age-appropriate explanation of decisions may of course be in order. I caution you not to take what I am sharing about my journey and use it as an excuse for pride or an ‘in your face’ selfish attitude.

I would be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me when people I love and respect don’t approve of my choices. Quite frankly, I don’t particularly care for it when people I hardly know don’t care for me for whatever reason. No one is unaffected by criticism or disapproval. The thing is, when we are trying to heal and rebuild our lives, it is exhausting to feel like we have to justify and defend and give an explanation to everyone for everything.

On the flip side of this lesson is the realization that we can be very judgmental of others. I frequently remind myself, “I’ve got no stones to throw. People get to make their own choices. There are things I don’t know and it’s none of my business.”

No matter how much wise counsel we seek and how much we pray, sometimes we all miss it and make mistakes. It’s still not any of my business what you think about me when I do, and it’s not my place to judge you for your missteps either. We are human and that’s how we learn and grow and mature. May we all give each other grace, grace, and more grace.

 For a righteous man falls seven times and rises again…Rejoice not when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles or is overthrown~Proverbs 24:16a-17 

Thank you for visiting the Land of Angela today. I hope you found some wisdom that will help you on your journey!

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Visit again soon!

Angela

Angela is a single mom raising her two favorite people.

Her favorite son Evan is a baseball and wrestling loving 19 year old young man with special needs, and a great sense of humor.

Her favorite daughter Phoebe is a 15 year old sophomore in high school, who is also a gifted and anointed musician, and singer/songwriter.

She works from home as a freelance writer, blogger, and medical biller.

 

 


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